TQR Confidential

Monday, February 20, 2006

THE FLOOR: Winter/Spring 2006 Machinations

...know jesus as your savior?
Date: 2005/12/29 13:23
By: doomey
i was out and about yesterday, braving the deluge in hopes of finding myself a nice big magnifying glass (one of those like holmes uses, you know?) to help in examining capital next quarter, when some smart-dressed she-male (meaning a woman who'd been cursed to walk through life looking like a man, poor child) stopped me and asked, "do you know jesus? have you invited him into your life as your savior?" or some such offal. i told her, "invited him into my life? christ, lady, i've done one better. i've invited him into my work place and now he won't leave!" jesus h. christ is still pacing the haunted disco, muttering alongside bukowski's ghost, and every so often, when i shove a broom into his hands, sweeping up. he's a good man to talk to, i've come to realize. not saying jesus can solve all our problems, but he seems capible of solving my stupid ones. i told him about this hooker who somehow got my cell phone number and won't stop vibrating me. jesus told me flat out i was simply going to have to lure her somewhere dark and remove her tongue. not horrible advice, but... so i did it last night (another story, phew, maybe i'll relate later). now i keep getting these weird silent cellphone calls. creepy, sister. so i just wanted to say, thank you jesus h. christ.


Date: 2005/12/29 16:28
By: tqr
Jesus told you to cut out the hooker's tongue? Are you sure we're talking about the same Jesus and not some Venezualen in the gang MS13? Good God, man! Tell me no secrets, and all that.

Date: 2005/12/30 13:14
By: doomey
yes, jesus told me this. do you know jesus? he is my underling, and i never allow him to clean any other part of TQR besides the haunted disco, so... are you sure you're talking about the same jesus i am? long hair, bushy beard, dark skin, mumbles to himself alot?

Date: 2005/12/30 16:32
By: tqr
Did he ever relay to you his real name? I mean, it's too dark down here to really see if there's a swastika on his forehead, but ... all I am saying is, is Charles Manson still incarcerated? -->

Date: 2005/12/31 01:43
By: deplancher
Oh! That wasn't a hooker, Doomey. Oh, I can't believe you would fall for this, this awful stinky trick of the dark dank alley dweller. That was Esther-May, I am not kidding. It was Jesus' sister who used to sing [and I do mean 'used to'] sing with that quartette in front of Eatons. She was at the party. Merde! What can be done? Tell me, Doomey, did you keep the tongue? Maybe all is not lost. And that trickster, Jesus, did he show his teeth when he counseled you, did he? I am going to the Mortimer's Deli. Maybe he has some spare tongue hanging in the back. Tabarnac! the things that happen when I go to Trois Rivieres for a few days.

Date: 2005/12/31 23:25
By: doomey
no, no. you have it so very wrong. that was not jesus's sister, fer chrisake. i'd have recognized the little things that run in a family; the big nose, the dark complexion, and jesus knows sanskrit, he's educated, the hooker was not, by far, the sharpest tool in the shed, she was no where near the brightest tiki torch on the lawn, okay? they were not family! i was not duped, damn it. she did have quite the voice, though. er, but that was, um, before i cut her tongue out. are you saying, DeP, that this makes me a bad person? i didn't ice her. i mean, come on. i was just commenting on the kind of advice jesus gives. i think he's pretty solid, myself. i often ask myself in certain situations, what would jesus do?

Date: 2006/01/14 03:18
By: doomey
funny thing happened to me on the way to the pisser just now. i was walking past the crime scene tape bordering the glass tiles, careful to keep my balance (which is fucking hard to do when one of your ears is clogged up with fear factor milkshake dregs, fyi), when i spotted jesus h. christ making hand gestures over a luke warm pail of piss. excuss me, but what the hell does he think he's doing? i mean there's sick and then there's sick and if you ask me this is pretty goddamned sick, sister.

Date: 2006/01/23 13:12
By: doomey
last night, i caught jesus sipping on his piss-hooch over by the burnt out wardrobe. he offered me some, i tried it. pretty damn good. kinda tastes like chicken, with an after bloom of raspberry. we got to talking, jesus and i, and i told him how things are getting real slow around TQR, how the interest might be drying up, how we didn't know we, the TQR staff, were dried up hacks with nothing left to offer the public, how sometimes my nuts shrink down to the size of raisins and i develop a rash on the flank, how the president of the united states is going to get us all killed, how i gave all my money to Animalkind, Inc. and now i's gots nothing to buy booze and smokes with. he loaned me a twenty and told me i should scoot off. what a friend i have in jesus, he's quite the homeboy. when he says little he says so much. and he brews a mean piss-punch.



Holdings
Date: 2006/01/17 00:10
By: tqr
Don't be coy,now. I know you two are holding because I have sent you 9 ventures by the close of business this day. Time to clean up the cat hair of that mangy feline Rimbaud and wax up the cherrywood. No dancing on the parquet (or glass panels or whatever they are down there because you can't see unless you're a cat in that damned infernal dungeon) until you meet your quotas. Hear me? Though I love you both for without you we would die, anywhat, I hope some of the Aspertame I gave you lot is not filled with sugar (to avoid those precipitous lows, you know) and is actually some of the goodstuff. Report to me here or by Bat Signal. There are plenty of clouds threatening the equilibrium of Albuquerque this night, so they should make a fine screen for your kleig light.

Date: 2006/01/17 13:30
By: doomey
so we're in new mexico again, are we, ted? and to think i thought the TQR offices had no absolute roots, that this deluge beat cityscape was Elsewhere rather than someplace specific. might be that someone has had a bit to much absinthe? wizard of ozing himself back to albuquerque, where the buffalo roam? coo-coo, ted. coo-coo a choo.

Date: 2006/01/18 02:44
By: doomey
okay. reporting on progress. 3 are as good as Terminaled. one sucks ass.

Date: 2006/01/18 08:19
By: deplancher
Like Kurt said, all apologies... I have been gone but not lost. My reading goggles were fogged up, cracked, or missing. I have been running from the man, slipping into shadows. I have been dueling with my banjo to pay the rent. Poor poor pitiful me. And now I am behind. Merde! But I have my caps in front of me now, arranged in the order received. In a few more days, when I come down, I will read every word and report properly. Patience, s.v.p. You can trust me.

Date: 2006/01/18 13:32
By: doomey
poor DeP. life in the fast lane. does that crazy ride called life ever take a pit stop for you, DeP? change the rubbers, gas the tank? you're not behind, anyway. we've got all month, sister. sent off my rejection notes today, two so far. those be the clicks that hurt. i hate rejecting cap. it sucks ass.




doomey reporting for duty
Date: 2006/01/08 16:16
By: doomey
i've cleared off the cherrywood, i've stocked the mini frige. i am ready for capital. itching for capital. the mirrorball's been shined, jesus's beard has been oiled, and my dolphin has been thouroughly waxed. i have placed 'do not cross - crime scene' tape along all access points to the glass tiles on the dance floor. i've helped relocate a dastardly looking spider that was being toyed with by DeP's cat. i've windex'd my porthole, and i've shined my new magnifying glass (looking forward to using this in my examinations of fresh assets). i've checked on DeP's egg, and i've lit incense beside the burned out wardrobe that once housed the staircase to the Terminal. i've cursed the deluge. if by any chance you've no idea what i'm talking about, then you probably don't know me well enough to know my response to you, but the phrase i'd use as a response to your confusion is oh so overused, plus it'd be bleeped, so we'll just skip it. i am reporting for duty, rorschalk. let's have some fun.

Date: 2006/01/08 16:31
By: deplancher
DeP on deck. Oh, I thought this quarter I would get here first, Doomey, but your dedication and enthusiasm for fresh capital has beat me again. Ah well, where's the coat rack? No matter, this heavy cape would probably tumble it over anyway and scare Rimbaud behind the book case. Oh yes, we do read bound books here as well as capital wrapped carefully in silky tissue and brought to the door of the infamous Floor by courier. Jesus is fooling around again I see. What is that skateboard sticker doing on my sand-filled beer bottle lamp? Light a candle to soften the air in this place. Look, the sun is starting to rise. We are ready to capitalize.

Date: 2006/01/08 17:39
By: doomey
yes, DeP, sorry 'bout that there sticker. 'twasn't me, i swear. jesus hopped on that skateboard you house at the backside of your desk and he got wiggy with it. remember our ramp? anywhat, he got all amped and joined some sort of boarding club, complete with stickers and t-shirts and condoms and websites. you know, jesus is a wild one. and yes, i beat you to the soldier stance, locked and loaded, so to speak. stanced. put me in, coach. buggery and butchery, sister. buggery and butchery. bring the shit on.

Date: 2006/01/08 19:20
By: deplancher
Damn him. Let him get his own skateboard if he wants to practise his ollies. Hey, Doomey. I hope Theo gets us some caps soon so I can get started. You won't tell him, will you? I have to, um, go away for a couple of weeks right here, this month. Something about the Bueno Vista Social Club I think. I'm a member. But I won't neglect my work. Just have to do it on the road and communicate through my shoe. Maybe Jesus can sit at my desk sometimes, with his back to the door. Theo hardly ever comes in here anyway once things get going.

Date: 2006/01/09 13:11
By: doomey
well, i'd say mum's the word, but you've left breadcrumbs, DeP. you've typed it out. maybe theo won't read this thread, in which case it'll be our little secret. i'll have jesus go out into the deluge and purchase himself a wig from the haberdashery. they've got all sorts of stuff. hampster mazes, little satan rubber duckies with horns, spices, water pipes, peach yogurt, those miniature magnetic chess games, shiny pictures of shiva, self-help books, rubber tarantulas, a few cleaning supplies, BPR, various angiosperms, and lots of other things as well. they should have a wig, me thinks. dark and peppy and silky and shoulder length? i'll have him pick up some high heels, too. but theo knows all. i doubt we can trick him. not only can he dance, but i think he can read minds.

Date: 2006/01/09 17:21
By: tqr
I'd give you all the capital you could handle right now, except I've only got three pieces so far! If only I could bend minds to my will, I'd send out a psychic depth charge to radiate outward into the regions of the scattered and sundry VC to submit their wares to us. But, alas, tis not so. Thank you both for your fealty. I'll try to not make it all for naught.

Date: 2006/01/09 19:03
By: gaybrat
Only three pieces. That is a shame, but I am sure it will pick up soon. The 'brat would submit, but alas, he is disqualified this quarter do to his internship.

Date: 2006/01/09 19:10
By: tqr
Yes. You will do more good here vetting capital than submitting. So, thanks for that. And let's hope we get more than three submissions this quarter!

Date: 2006/01/09 19:38
By: gaybrat
If there were to be only three pieces of capital this quarter, it would be the perfect time for the 'brat to submit, lessened competition. But alas, I will persevere.

Date: 2006/01/10 13:03
By: doomey
okay, i know theo can travel through space and time, he can walk through walls and dance on poles. but how did the brat get down here? i burned that damn stairway that leads up to the Terminal! is there a secret passage i don't know about?

Date: 2006/01/10 15:22
By: gaybrat
Silly silly man, you cannot stop the gaybrat. No power in the 'verse can stop me.

Date: 2006/01/11 13:04
By: doomey
sounds like kaylee to me. strange. do you ride a large spaceship, 'brat?

Date: 2006/01/14 03:26
By: doomey
okay, no response. fine. hey, 'brat, i gotta tell you, man, this is where DeP and i dance, okay? this, the Floor, is where the fucking magic happens, you understand? we, the underappreciated, toil and bleed, get me? we need our space, 'brat. you are Terminali. love you, man, but, hey, i mean, come on. respect a man's castle, eh? now kindly tell me how you got in here so i can seal the wound and let a scab build up.

Date: 2006/01/14 16:13
By: doomey
brat's gone. finally, some peace and quiet. okay, DeP. we must dip into yoga mode, like stasis on a voyaging space craft, eh? collect our energies, stock up on the booze, calm the engines, and get ready to rock come monday. the capital will rain! i'm going to sleep now. wake me come monday.

Date: 2006/01/15 04:31
By: gaybrat
You cannot limit the 'brat, but I will leave you guys to your Sandbox. But yes, you got the Firefly reference, that makes me like you.

Date: 2006/01/15 16:29
By: doomey
and to think, i so wanted to make you like me. now, if you don't mind, i am TRYING TO SLEEP! COLLECT MY ENERGIES! okay, back to the warmsies, the curlies under my cherrywood and the longcoat draping out the dance floor. back to the one, two, three sheep. back to lara croft cooking me breakfast. back to...

Date: 2006/01/16 13:30
By: doomey
ah, monday morning, 16th of janny. fresh capital on the lawn, i can smell it. i crawl from under the cherrywood, stretch, a screech of a yawn. the sun's up, oh, no, my mistake. the mirrorball is turning, mistook it for the dawn. i think i hear a fiddle. strange. DeP's hunched over something on her desk across the dance floor, intent on examination. perhaps her egg has hatched? i reach in the lower left drawer and grab the sauce, sip the stuff to get a jump start on the day. light up a pall mall, sit and swivel. crack open farina, small print in the glow off the ball above, smoke in my eyes. it's the beginning of a beautiful quarter, me thinks.

Date: 2006/01/16 16:37
By: tqr
I have sent you and Gabby each an initial triptych offering. Viddy well.

Date: 2006/01/17 13:25
By: doomey
christ's balls, does it get better than this? hey, DeP! did theo land some cap on your desk? look at all this fresh capizzle, i am beside myself. i'll get to examining these strange works of art with my new mag glass at once! thx, theo. very excited to be back on the steed, clomping across the tumbleweed strewn dust-scape, hat tugged down low.

Date: 2006/01/23 13:18
By: doomey
we need more cap, theo. you collecting a mailbag full of assets or what, buddy? what's the date? how much longer will we be accepting capital? oh yeah, and i was wondering when do we send the goodstuff up to the Terminal and which Terminali do i get this quarter? i'm just full of questions. what's your middle name, anyway?

Date: 2006/01/23 16:15
By: tqr
The cap is slow this quarter. What, my full page ad in the New Yorker didn't pan out! Zounds. Just hang on to what you got and gmail me a subtracker report on your combined terminaled and rejected assets, then we'll talk about who and when.

Date: 2006/01/23 20:49
By: tqr
What about sending your goodstuff up to the Terminal in a week or two? I will get with them and see if working a concurrent schedule is something they'd be up to. So... don't quote me on this 'week or two' thing. If you want to stick with Hal, that will be fine. Unless you want the 'brat. I've got review requests in to Whispers of Wickedness and Tangent Online. Two sites that review Web sites. I'm hoping this will bear cap, as long as they work quickly. Seat of the pants, again. I'm afraid.

Date: 2006/01/24 13:27
By: doomey
i just dropped a line in luna and zoetrope, maybe we'll some cap from those hot spots. week or two is fine. and Hal is fine. not saying the machine is good looking, just fine.




i'm pissed
Date: 2006/01/18 02:52
By: doomey
remember ronraygun? remember the Floor's flogging session, where we decided on which piece to shove up to theo his-shining-self? well, 'gun's piece was slayground. ...i'm just saying. slayground should not be published here. it was shot down back in the flogging session. what the hell was it doing in the Terminal in the first place?! damn 'gun to hell and back! i just realized this today because i was going through some notes from last quarter, looking for craft supplies. damn, i am pissed.

Date: 2006/01/18 05:47
By: tqr
'gun was good. All in all, he was a man. Slayground, have you read it yet? ... Niether have I, but the lowdown was each cap manager, (broker if you prefer, who actually read the piece slapped their ass and called it Sally. I knew it was the goodstuff, so I bought it. Terminator meets War of the Worlds or some such Hollywood mumbo jumbo, but still, those movies grossed some major scratch, and I ain't jacking the cosmos, brother. Then, here's the good part, when VC Finch gmails me his bio, turns out he's some kind of gorram television writer in the UK! Full time gorram writer, sister. How many sorry so-called writers can say that? Not me, nor you, nor that old bitch in shoe. So, you know, it's good to listen to your staff sometimes, cuz it may work out and you may sign up some hotshit TV writer, who also has published science fiction up the ass, not to mention myriad places print and cyber. So listen to this, if you're pissed, get over yourself. Dig?

Date: 2006/01/18 13:29
By: doomey
yeah, i examined it rather close. didn't like. too many flaws. i forgot i'd checked it out till yesterday, when my stuffing got fluffed. whatever. 'gun cheated. if there's one thing i can't stand...

Date: 2006/01/19 13:23
By: doomey
hold on. i am remembering that we sent the losers on up to the Terminal, which, at the time i did not agree with or understand, so i must have wiped it from my memory. either that or it was all that booze i drank the second half of the quarter. phew. that was a lot of booze. i mean, wow. so, nevermind. 'gun didn't cheat. he did however place himself on one of those 'singles sites', which i find pretty damn funny, sister.

Date: 2006/01/19 16:18
By: tqr
Right. Those Floor Pass candidates were still sent up to the Terminal, yo. 'gun is on a dating site? Well, he needs some body, too. Happiness is a warm 'gun, mama.

Date: 2006/01/20 12:59
By: doomey
actually, i'm not sure who it is that's on a dating site, just that it's one of the brokers on TQR. i've a friend, a drinking buddy, who wanted to check out our little venture, TQR, but he forgot the exact nomenclature, so he googled us and found a dating site. somebody on that dating site mentioned they worked at TQR, so it all linked together when googled. hah. a picture of the cat, not a whole lot of hair, older, i figured maybe it was 'gun. i don't know the name of the dating site, but maybe if you google TQR you'll find it too.

Date: 2006/01/23 20:00
By: gaybrat
Ok, so I'm still learning the ropes and all, but I'm getting a little confused about how this all works. So stories that didn't even get put up to the Terminal can get picked, and stories sent up to the Terminal might not even get debated in the Executive Suite? When do these exceptions get made?

Date: 2006/01/23 20:44
By: tqr
What you're confused about it the Floor Pass, which was decided upon last quarter by all Floorites in the Conference Room at the end of their month. The idea behind the Floor Pass is that it gets to skip further vetting and be handed up to me. When the final cut comes around, the Floor Pass is my ace in the hole, should I want to substitute it for any of the ventures suggested to me by Tessa & Quincy. The ventures nominated for Floor Pass that didn't get picked, get sent to the Terminal.

Date: 2006/01/24 13:25
By: doomey
hold on. are you saying your sister was getting paid to do that layout in gopher lover's quarterly?

Date: 2006/01/26 05:16
By: deplancher
All I can say is this: it is not I whom your friend of a friend of your sister's friend's gopher friend noted as as member of a popular dating sight anywhere. Firstly, I am neither slightly bald nor portly. Secondly, I have neither desire nor time for a date. Especially one with a stranger. Whom I just met. On the internet. On a site meant for matching single gophers!

Date: 2006/01/26 05:34
By: tqr
I can't gopher that, no-oh-no can do I... no-ooohh. I can't gopher that. No can do!




Turn up the Heat
Date: 2006/01/15 19:52
By: deplancher
I see that Jesus has polished the floor of the disco and sprinkled some shuffleboard wax on it to make sure we can slide to our desks or moonwalk rather than tiptoe or strut like under-executives should. Doomey, I have some new music...the Old Crow Medicine Show...so we have to learn this two-step thing like the moms and dads do at weddings. Who left the bag of cheetos on my chair? Jesus must have taken the day off to walk on the water or something. I have turned on my space heater. Theo, should I read some Flaubert or have you something tasty in your satchel?

Date: 2006/01/16 03:14
By: tqr
I'll have something tastier for you than cheetos very soon, Gabby. Meanwhile, Flaubert is not a bad warm up.

Date: 2006/01/16 13:20
By: doomey
capital will have to wait till i finish richard farina's been down so long it looks like up to me. sorry, but, well, that's the way it goes. i picked it up yesterday to reread it for the third time, and now i am hooked. i left those cheetos, DeP! a little restarting the engine gift. a welcome back to the office offering. and, hey, i can dig the two-step thing, but let me stretch first, eh? and, yes, i have noticed the chill. just like last quarter. it's like theo turns down the heat so we'll know who the boss is. miserly and low, ted. miserly and low.

Date: 2006/01/23 13:13
By: doomey
still cold. damn you to hell, ted. have a heart.

Date: 2006/01/26 05:11
By: deplancher
I think he's been waiting for that cheque from the lottery commission. Maybe then he can get Jesus to pick up another load of logs for the fire. And pay the gas bill. Surely he doesn't mean to leave us in the frost.

Date: 2006/01/26 05:41
By: tqr
As Dan Rather once said somewhat disaffectingly and creepily at the end of his broadcasts, Courage... Meanwhile, tis cause for celebration. My pleas for cap have bore some fruit. So the Brat will have some narrative to cut his teeth on after all! I'm off to the Pub or whatever it is called these days. Must Proost a Jetse and a Marianne. I would ask you to join me, but I'm afraid you two have work! And so... I must bid you, adieu!

Date: 2006/01/26 05:50
By: deplancher
That Theo...wasn't it the Tragically Hip who spoke of Courage?

Date: 2006/01/26 06:04
By: tqr
Those Canuckleheads ... are you mental? Although, I'd gladly trade you one Dan Rather for them.




happy to report...
Date: 2006/02/07 12:46
By: doomey
happy to report that 50% of the capital dumped on my cherrywood has been Terminaled so far. now, all you VCs be warned, i have learned my lesson this quarter, and i do feel i will be overburdening the machine (Hal, my Terminali contact) with so much material, and so next quarter i will have to wait till the end of the quarter to figure out which VCs will achieve Terminalization and which will not. this will be hard for me. last quarter i took my time accepting and rejecting, and as a result i lost a great piece due to a VCs lack of patience. just wanted y'all to know i've been a little soft this quarter, and i know i've been soft. not saying the quality of capital isn't there, just saying there would have been a few more rejection slips if i'd known the Accepted were going to pile up as much as they did. i am a broker in the making, people. don't break my knees for trying. and to think, there's still a week left for capital submissions. poor machine. maybe i should buy it some oil.

Date: 2006/02/07 15:04
By: deplancher
I think machine-man salivates for more more more. Oil it up, Doomey. And I like your strategy as to Terminaled caps. Wouldn't want to see good stuff get shorted because of a lack of time. I need to hurry up. Giddy-up old pony o' mine...

Date: 2006/02/07 19:02
By: tqr
Stand down Doomey, Which is to say, 'Not so fast, buster...' It appears to me that instead of overburdening the Machine, we ought to wait until DeP catches up and we can see just how many pieces are going to the Terminal this quarter. Then, we can figure out how to distribute them to our intrepid Terminali so that none of them will have a disporportianate amount of championing/shepherding to do.

Date: 2006/02/08 12:36
By: doomey
that's a cool-headed plan, if one were to ask me. i've one fly to throw into the ointment, can't wait to see how it gets batted about. should be fun. and that's what life's about. ointment.

Date: 2006/02/08 15:20
By: tqr
All the girlies say I'm pretty fly for a blue, red and white guy.

Date: 2006/02/10 12:29
By: doomey
theo, do please try and put the cap back on the booze after drinking. you're stinking up the joint. look, you've got bukowski all up in arms. jesus! oh, jesus!

Date: 2006/02/11 17:23
By: deplancher
Gib it to me babee, uh huh uh huh. I know it's pretty hard to get along today. But I have taken my exercise, stretched and lifted Rimbaud not once but sixteen times to provide a little resistance. What I thought was a dream was really an extended advertisement starring Kenny Rogers extolling the virtues of the new Time Warner set of 150 or even more of the best and most popular hit country songs since your big mama danced the wang dang doodle downtown and just before I reached for my credit card and dialed up that 1-800 something something number on my telephone I remembered that I don't even like that song that goes '...but when we get behiiiahnd closed doors..' and so I stopped myself and instead got up and shook out my unkempt ponytail and got down to some real business. Feel good like a little man should. So while the sun shines and the moon is full, I just want you to know, Doomey, that I am not drinking wine or cervesa or schnapps while reading the remainder of the caps that Teddy-bear has tossed to me. This is serious. And I need both eyes.

Date: 2006/02/12 14:54
By: doomey
i've only used one this whole time. kept one in reserve. not like the wires are steaming or ever heating up. cap arrivals have slowed to a point of a dribble, nay, an ooze. i need to take up a hobby. perhaps i should take up the pen. i hear there's money to be made in the writing biz. that frey fella, he mopped it up, eh? i think i could squeeze out a good romance. take a good amount of time, most of an entire day, me thinks. not that i know fuck all about prose. sitting back, squeek of the hardwood chair, flick of my bic, warmth of tobacco in my lungs, cool tumbler filled with amber in my grip. life is good. quarter nearly over. thinking of purchasing some charlie's angels memorabilia to cheer up my corner. bukowski keeps sneering at me.

Date: 2006/02/12 19:05
By: deplancher
I thought I saw you napping yesterday, Doomey, with that one eye closed. That's what happens when you are adept at holding your cigarette, buckling your belt, making a list for Jesus, planning for your future or living in the past, reading caps and portholing or terminaling them with veteran efficiency, eating mints, repairing the Floor, and sipping amber while writing your memoires concurrently. You work too hard but make it look easy, Doomey. Maybe you should consider a hobby. Taxidermy? Nope. Animal carcuses not welcome on the Floor unless blood flowing through them. Windsurfing? You'd have to remove your overcoat and maybe cut down on the tobacco. Oh, and the ocean would have to be nearby. What about screenwriting or children's literature? I'll get Jesus to order us some chimichangas and cuervo. We need a change of pace 'round here.

Date: 2006/02/12 20:32
By: doomey
CHIMIS AND CUERVO! CHIMIS AND CUERVO! CHIMIS AND CUERVO! CHIMIS AND CUERVO! CHIMIS AND CUERVO! and a lime, we'll need a lime, and a nice sharp knife and a cutting board. some cilantro and some salt. we'll dress jesus in a colorful dress and tell him yell, 'hot plate, hot plate!' while he serves us. CHIMIS AND CUERVO! CHIMIS AND CUERVO! CHIMIS AND CUERVO! maybe we'll get some christmas lights and hang them all over the haunted disco's walls. does anyone know the price of a reliable tortilla machine? rumage around in my cherrywood's drawers, know i have a los lobos tape in here somewhere... la pistola y el corazon.

Date: 2006/02/14 12:52
By: deplancher
Did you have any visions, Doomey? It seems I can see more clearly after that salsa. Only 24 hours left for incoming caps. Hope no one will miss the deadline. Do you think it's appropriate for Jesus to wear that big heart on his chest like that? Is he genuine or is he making fun of this fine day? I still have several caps to review. I see the pile on your desk diminishing. Let's have dark chocolate and fine wine today. But what's happening on the sheepskin...is that my egg beginning to awaken? You never did tell me what kind of creature might emerge from it.

Date: 2006/02/15 12:35
By: doomey
no, mysterious creature, that. is it beaked? does it squawlk? given time, will it talk? very excited about the awakening. is it really starting to hatch? yes, DeP, today is the day, the last day, the shutting down day. i had jesus brave the deluge for supplies. we've nails and boards and sheets. we can cover the windows (what few there are) and sheet the furniture. we can say goodbye for the months ahead. truth be told, i've nowhere to go home to, so i will probably stick around like last quarter. we'll see. but, i've Closing Up Shop supplies regardless. let's party. btw, sorry i didn't get you a valentine, my johnson was sniggered up in my zipper yesterday and i nearly had meself a faint. rough day yesterday. rough day. sorry i wasn't here to call off jesus. hope he did not try anything overly... romantic on you?




Dharma Bums
Date: 2006/01/21 04:42
By: deplancher
Ok. A word of advice to the VCs whose capital walks this way to me: Content and style rule. Originality and depth intrigue me. BUT, presentation counts, oh yes it does. I want to read what you've written, the result of all your toil and sweat and blood, laying out all you dare for us to read. I do I do I do. But it's so much more alluring when my vision doesn't blur, my place is not lost because the font is not so tiny and the justification isn't all over the place or non-existent. Give me l'double interligne! The double-space may be old fashioned and take more paper but has the advantage of not blinding yours truly. Please, mes cheres, I don't sleep well. I don't want you to know why. It is not your concern. It's a 'I want to do my job, but I can't do it without your help' situation here. Help me out here and you will only help yourself.

Date: 2006/01/21 07:55
By: tqr
Sage advice, mon petit grenoile. You on the front lines can expect little consideration, but single spacing and grape shot. Persevere or perish. The pickings are rather thin, quantifiably speaking, this quarter. Seems we will be known only when Burnham Wood comes to Dunsinane. Heark, I think I see the perambulations of a tree, and, lo, another coming hither. I think I'll write a song about it on my zither. Enough nonsense. I'm going to check my in-box for fresh capital. Pray for me.

Date: 2006/01/21 16:20
By: doomey
heark. hah! hey, double spacing is kind. haven't seen anything single spaced since they took love boat off the air. people still single space? i've a pet peev i'd like to shout out to all the VCs out there, as well. style over grammatical Stoicism. if you want to be boring, send it to your grandma, for the love of christ. have fun with the lines, mix up the paints, add a swirl with the tip of the horse hairs here, tear the canvas with your teeth there. like DeP said, it's all about the toil and the sweat and the blood.

Date: 2006/01/26 04:57
By: deplancher
Aw Mickey and Minnie and Grumpy and all those other guys! I hate to be a griper as I am not of that kind, really. But, I have another gripe to put to the grip and it is this: When gathering together your stylistic stylus and whipping up some capital whimsy, why not keep in mind the importance of transitional hints to take us, your fair-minded readers and capital managers of soiled planks under the rugs on the illustrious, albeit slightly stained, Floor, from one point to the next. A hint I say, not a brick to the temple, but just a hint. I have just read an engaging piece of capital on my deck and, lo, it has what once a lonely fellow claimed, whilst trying to rent me a rather disheveled and vermin-infested room in his house, capital 'P' potent-ial. But I had to read the page before the page I was on to see where it was I went as I read what it was I was reading in the present. See? And I am a good guesser, I can assure you. Theo, but are you saying it is a cool wind blowing and we, the skinny dwellers of the Floor, should be grateful for the bits of cap we are thrown? Doomey, never mind. The standard, like the song, remains the same. Still, I want to hear the zither tune.Post edited by: deplancher, at: 2006/01/26 05:01

Date: 2006/01/26 06:19
By: deplancher
Okay. Supposing I did have a little something to make those Terminali turn themselves around. Or at least read about. Who be my contact this quarter, Theo? Still Guy or be it my new comrade, Gaybrat? Please, please tell me now.

Date: 2006/01/26 06:27
By: tqr
The 8 Ball says ... Gaybrat! Perhaps he'll be so kind as to gmail you his contact information. I would give you the information here, but strict radio silence must be observed upon these public channels.

Date: 2006/01/26 23:35
By: tqr
And... Maggie Murdock just phoned home. So... seeing as how the Brat is new and under the stern tutelage of the Machine, why not divvy up your case load twist Mags and him, that Brat that is. How does that grab you?

Date: 2006/01/27 01:01
By: deplancher
Firmly. It will be done. But pray, tell them to have patience. I am balancing the scales seeking the right stuff for their perusal and pearl. ~ Further on up the road, to my beloved VCs: We at TQR do so love you and have great faith in your talents and abilities to weave the word. And also in your adeptness with technology. Look, you have wordprocessed your entire capital and thereafter diligently and deliberately forwarded it here. And for that we are grateful. I am reading reading reading with interest. You have a captive audience in yours truly. And then and then and then, I crash hardly down. My suspended disbelief is shattered. The bottom has fallen out of the elevator. What is it, you ask, that you can do to save your devoted capital manager, the DeP, from falling so hard to the depths? Give me an S! Give me a P! And all the rest. Just before you zong your baby off to Theo, might you please just give one last go at the Spellcheck thing? I am not allowed to change your original work, yet do not wish to forward flawed caps to my associates upstairs. Spellcheck. And if your program doesn't have that feature, upgrade it sometime soon. And for now at least open your Merriam-Websters, repeat that little verse from elementary school (i before e except after c...). Help yourself and send us your best, untainted by a missing word or a misspelled one. Merci, mes cheres.

Date: 2006/01/27 13:11
By: doomey
boy, that DeP sure can pick the meat off the bone, eh? picky, she be. me, i like misspelled words, and i change the caps all the time; switch the end to the middle, the first part becomes the last, the second act gets dumped at times, tense switch-a-roo (one of my favs), turn characters into friends of mine, give main characters unsightly warts and such.

Date: 2006/01/27 16:21
By: tqr
Cooking the capital, again, eh, Boli? Hence, the anethema (anathema?) title for our little venture: The Enron of E-zines.

Date: 2006/01/28 02:12
By: deplancher
Oy. So that's why my capital keeps changing is it Doomey? Now I am not saying that I have submitted some of my own capital to you under some of my pseudonym fancy writers' names but I wish you would not mess wit' ma werk, sunny. And I don't mean it has to be perfect, dig? I just want to be able to start at the beginning and have some kind of path or code or... Something to show me the way. VCs, that's me waving over here: I want you to show me the way. Even if your cap is really far and away and out there, it's gotta begin, go someplace, and, ultimately end. Grammatical and spelling goofs aren't the kind of lumps in the road that push that plot forward.

Date: 2006/01/28 03:56
By: deplancher
There's some shiney stuff edging through all the dark gumfph, I can assure you. My nose and pencil are pointed and sharp and Doomey's vision and monkey sense are seasoned, coifed. You could say we are ready for anything.

Date: 2006/01/28 08:11
By: tqr
I'm sending you both T-shirts in lieu of that Beer Money that I never came through with.

Date: 2006/01/28 18:14
By: doomey
hey, DeP, how's the accept/reject ratio this quarter? you sending some artsy stuff up to the 'brat or what, sister? and no i was just joshing, dig? i don't tick an eyebrow, don't smooth over a rough brushstroke, don't glue broken bits into place, none o' that. i am an honest denizen, a mannered caveman. i don't mess with the cap. that would be sick. hey, theo, i may seem fey to you, but i'll require a large t-shirt, not a small, thank you very much.

Date: 2006/01/29 16:03
By: deplancher
Nothing sent up yet, Doomey. I've almost completed reading all that's been assigned. Then it's review and action for me. I'll give an update here then, probably within the next week. I can say that I've seen nothing particularly brazen or artsy so far... And, just for the record: I am hands off the original work of our VCs too. We have integrity at TQR. Well, okay, respect then. For the VCs, life and liberty, et al. How're things looking for you?

Date: 2006/01/30 13:11
By: doomey
well, believe it or not, no VCs have sent me naked pictures of their sisters yet. i not only find this strange, but i also find it insulting. i mean, come on, give a brother a break, eh? all this hard work, me thinks a few naked pictures would slip through, but, hey, that's the way the brownie crumbles. unlike your batch of capital, mine is ripe for public view, i'd say about half, maybe a little less than half. very surprised by this. last quarter i sent maybe a forth up the tube to the Terminal, if that. i've one capital painted in dark hues depicting alienation and comfort in such, brings to mind late nights at stop-and-go markets during those dead hours between night and day. i dig it very much, tough to send that one up, want to hang it on a nail beside the porthole, but, alas... oh, and i've tossed some royal crap out the porthole, too.

Date: 2006/01/30 22:12
By: tqr
No need to be testy. Remember, it takes guts to be a VC, no matter your estrwhile level, or ability. C'est subjectif, and don't you forget it, or I'll come down there with Baskerville and teach you the meaning of the respect! Thumb screws and serrated, steel nipple clips notwithstanding. But aside from all these threats of violence, I must tell you both, you're doing a splendid job. I have been away some nights to attend my Godfather's barmitzvah (long story that may be told another day [he just converted and wanted to be an adolescent again, I suppose]), and lo and behold, the cap has piled up most pleasingly. I am holding 9. How you both want this divided up is up to you. Let me know, cuz I am definitely holding.

Date: 2006/01/31 07:08
By: deplancher
Well, while you have been barmitzvah-ing and I have been African drumm-ing and Doomey has been doomshuffl-ing, it's good to know VCs have been parking out front and delivering. All I can say, Theo, is: be fair and give us each a goodly share. You know we are both insatiable readers here on the Floor. Touch. The monkey.

Date: 2006/02/01 13:01
By: doomey
cool. tanks, ted. we're only half way through out term this quarter. seems we've more cap than last quarter, true? that is, if the second half sees as many assets as the first half. in two weeks i've examined eighteen pieces of capital, i expect eighteen more before our duties are done this quarter. DeP must have recieved the same amount, that means we should net around 75 capital assets this quarter? am i correct, ted? are my math skills still the bomb after all these years of idle calculation?

Date: 2006/02/01 15:58
By: tqr
I believe I've got 33 pieces of cap between you two, which is ahead of last quarter. Though none have come in since Sunday. They seem to come in spurts. I'm expecting another ejaculation this weekend.

Date: 2006/02/01 16:06
By: deplancher
So happy to see more capital slipped through the slot. Thanks, VCs! We live for this on the Floor. Let the mirror ball shine. Doomey, dare we become celebrant at these signs? Can we extrapolate from the data so far to predict such an increase over the first quarter as you say---around 75 individual pieces of the mighty mightly nectar? ~ Wait. It's not so easy as this, is it? I want to say one tiny thing about dialogue and make a suggestion for our beloved ones. Listen. When you speak, I mean, listen to yourself. Then read what you've written for dialogue in your masterpiece. Read it out loud. In the voices of your carefully sculpted characters if you wish. Does it sound like real-speak? I mean, firstly, does it sound like something one person would actually say to another? Then consider the context. Is the exchange befitting of the situation, what's happening at that particular juncture in the events of the capital? I ask because when I read, I hear voices, tones, undertones, expression. Let me hear what you want to convey, not a mere roboto facsimile (unless of course your character is a cousin of R2D2). Converse with me so I can commune with your capital. Merci. Thank you for listening. And keep working. Keep sending us your best. We are here only for you.

Date: 2006/02/01 18:29
By: tqr
Another promising stat is the Lobby received over 3000 hits in January. That's a marked increase over the 2000 hits we'd normally been experiencing per month.

Date: 2006/02/02 09:30
By: deplancher
Yes, well, maybe we should get Jesus to set out the buffet. ~ I have had some good reading tonight, Doomey. Excited. Such imagination and vocabulary have our VCs. I have learned a new word too, one that I might share with you after I practise with it awhile. It is truly a gift to be able to craft so well that a reader is no longer on the outside looking in but actively involved in the capital and its characters' unfolding, straining to hear every word, to envision every place described. Such is the power of an authentic voice. And so close to the monkey you can feel its warmth.

Date: 2006/02/02 13:08
By: doomey
yes, i love a good thourough emersion. i got one piece this quarter, it's shaped like an old tub with claw feet. had jesus fill it up with hot water and had myself a soak (lord knows i needed one). very nice. glad you hooked a good one. i am reving up the tube, so it should be warmed up for whenever you're ready to send some cap up to the Terminal.

Date: 2006/02/02 15:16
By: deplancher
Yes, thank you for readying the tube. I hope it will be busy in the next few days. Wouldn't want those Terminali to get bored. Or have too much leisure time. You know what kind of mayhem they can create. Hey, I think I heard you splashing around. Hope Jesus has a mop. You gotta watch that guy. I think I saw him trying on your overcoat.

Date: 2006/02/02 15:17
By: deplancher
Do you think we'll get any capital from the Groundhog?

Date: 2006/02/02 19:52
By: tqr
No, but I hear Ron Jeremy aka The Hedgehog is slowing down in his dotage, looking for other outlets to dip his quill in, erm, so to speak.

Date: 2006/02/03 13:06
By: doomey
who is this groundhog person? or are you talking of an actual groundhog, DeP? and why do they call it a hog? hardly looks like a hog. jesus was trying on my coat? really? that son of a bitch. i'm off to give that hippy a thorough talking to.

Date: 2006/02/03 17:01
By: tqr
Do not start on the hippie lettuce yet, Boli. There are still almost two weeks left in your quarter.

Date: 2006/02/07 06:56
By: deplancher
Um, I did not see that groundhog guy. Or the hedgehog for that matter although last night Rimbaud was facing the north wall bearing a look of predatory intent. But that's not what I'm really concerned about. I was wondering as I slog hip-deep in wordwash and manuscriptus capitalis, is it just coincidental that 65.837% of my assigned portfolio this quarter is swollen with deviant, dark, mysterious sexual behaviours and lustful characters who shuck their clothes quicker than your mama can shucka corn cob on the porch before dinner? And things that ooze stuff all over other things? I was just wondering, Theo. Doomey, do you have any chivas in that flask? Things are getting a little gritty in here. And throw me a lifesaver will you? Butterscotch, if you have it.

Date: 2006/02/07 12:30
By: doomey
have my whole roll. rootbeer okay with you? and i don't carry a flask anymore. my doctor told me it was ruining my posture. i had jesus run up and buy some rum in hopes the deluge would break soon, so help yourself to that. here, i'll leave it on the corner of the cherrywood, along with my ted nugent shotglass. you're getting all the smut and gore, DeP? really? i thought i asked ted if i could get all the smut and gore. he doesn't read them before deciding which desk to dump them on, you know. it's all in the roll of the dice, sister.

Date: 2006/02/07 15:02
By: deplancher
Oh I know Theo doesn't have time to read all the caps before he sends them over to us. That's why we're here and how honoured we are that he trusts our judgment so. He does trust us, doesn't he? And thanks for your help. I can carry on now, though me innocence be now foiled and thoughts more rancid. Such it is here on the front. I mean, the Floor.

Date: 2006/02/08 12:33
By: doomey
yes, fiction is harsh, reality harsher. and no, dear DeP, the boss can't trust anybody. you've watched x-files, haven't you? trust is a five letter word.

Date: 2006/02/08 15:26
By: tqr
Since I am on a song-lyric-quoting binge, I will answer you thusly, via the song stylings of Ms. Kim Carnes: And it's all in the draw of the cards. In other words, no, I have not ulterior motives in my parsing out of the cap. Although, this is somewhat of a lie,too. During the first two weeks of distribution, I realized I was (at first unconsciously) giving Boli all the cap fashioned by the male of the species, and you that other more dangerous gender. From then on, I have checked my gender discrimination hat at the door.

Date: 2006/02/10 12:33
By: doomey
and yet still the capital i get seems majorly steeped in guyness. hm. strange. theo does know however that if he handed me a romance i would stuff it out the prthole quicker than you could skin a salami. he does know that, doesn't he?

Date: 2006/02/11 18:06
By: deplancher
I am impressed by the variety of caps we are getting this quarter. Merci beaucoup to all our VCs for your worthy contributions. And that little koala pin somebody included, I want you to know that I have it stuck on my lapel right now. But how did you know that my birthday is soon? Someone has leaked... And now for a poll: who thinks that plot is passe?

Date: 2006/02/11 21:21
By: tqr
I certainly do not go passe on plot. Unless it involves becoming a member of the mile high club on a Quanta 747.

Date: 2006/02/12 15:02
By: doomey
tis a silly poll: who thinks that plot is passe? what's more important, plot or character? christ, do not make me feel like i'm in grammer school, DeP. last time i was in grammer school i broke a guy's hand with a desk and pissed on the chalkboard and pulled bloody roots from the scalp of the girl seated in front of me and i got an A+ doing it! i hate stoopid polls! okay, i'll answer. plot is not passe. jeez.

Date: 2006/02/12 18:46
By: deplancher
O, I am not a teacher of rudiments, Doomey. The horror. I just wanted to check in case I was asleep when a post modernist of some influence might have declared that it was no longer necessary to have a plot. Too much of my time I fear has been spent either standing on one leg playing flute along with my Jethro Tull records or listening to that guy, Eminem, on my ipod. I only wanted to make sure there wasn't some stylistic, avante-garde mysticism that I needed to study on or blow smoke at. To make sure that, while I was checking my balance, I hadn't missed a dictum that declared it might be okay to throw a bunch of words into, say a gutted pumpkin and then put the lid back on, sell it through Chapters as a new innovation. An Oprah's List best seller. (I also always wondered: does Oprah have the credentials to declare such stuff?) An interactive reading experience where the reader purchases that pumpkin bulging with wordage, drags it home with him and sets it on the coffee table, opens it and randomly pulls out a few strings of words, a little sticky from still damp pumpkin gut, sentences, paragraphs. Arranges them somehow and reads it either from the end or the beginning. I just wanted to make sure that my expectations weren't unreasonable. That it's okay to even have expectations without ruining the potential of a good cap. Something is, then something occurs, something is done about it and, ultimately, someone might be somewhere else in the end. That kind of thing. I didn't mean for you to relive those bad times when you were a boy, Doomey. That wall-hanging above your chair wouldn't be made from some of that girl's hair would it? For the record, I am not a visitor but a resident. That is my leotard, those are my slippers. This is my wrap here on my swivel chair.

Date: 2006/02/12 20:24
By: doomey
oh DeP, you just made me feel all jiggly inside. the happy giggles. not sure exactly why. good day when a smile spreads 'cross this mug. thx. re. dharma bums, has anyone heard about coppola making On the Road? maybe i've lost a marble or two, but i swore a little bird told me this news.

Date: 2006/02/14 12:45
By: deplancher
It's good to be happy, Doomey. The other stuff gives you wrinkles. But there are creams I think. I have heard whispers of Coppola producing 'On the Road' too but was that you or someone else? Must listen more carefully. For now, I want to know if that package on your desk is my birthday present. Not that I need a present. Birthdays aren't that important. But just tell me. Is that present sitting on your desk, is it for me? Here, I got you this heart-shaped box to keep your pencils in after you've sharpened them. Happy Valentine's Day, mon ami. Do you think Theo will like this?

Date: 2006/02/15 00:35
By: tqr
I love heart-shaped boxes! I remember seeing a very bad horror film many moons ago titled "My Bloody Valentine" wherein a demented miner cuts his victims' hearts out with a pickaxe, then mails their hearts out in blood-dripping heart-shaped boxes. There is a moral in there somewhere, dear Gabby. Happy V-day.

Date: 2006/02/15 12:40
By: doomey
wow, DeP, tanks for the pencil heart. sorry, that present was for my mum, an addition for her hampster cage and a covy of creams. once again sorry, but, as i posted somewhere else on this whacked site, yesterday was a bad day for me what with my wanker toothed in my trouser zipper. everything's fine now, or as fine can be expected.




oh happy day
Date: 2006/02/17 12:31
By: doomey
no teasing about the glitter on my cheek, DeP, 'tis a necessary evil from pressing my ear up against the mirrorball while perching precariously in the rafters. they've mentioned one of my pieces! i love to eavesdrop, especially when what i hear concerns capital i stuffed up the tube. oh, DeP, if you could only examine the piece they talk of, i believe it's lafloor doing the talking. if you could but glance at this piece your eyes would quiver and your brain would sizzle it is truely that toxic. and i mean toxic in a good way, or, er, actually less than good, more like evil! oh, happy day, can't wait to hear the other Terminali pipe up. should be interesting if not downright nasty.

Date: 2006/02/17 16:20
By: tqr
Not so fast, Doomey. A late bit o' cap is hovering betwixt the cherrywood and the deep blue sea. I will plunk it down on your wood if you so desire, or let the VC know rules are rules and to wait for the next reading period. Your call. The VC is waiting, though, so please let me know either way, asap.

Date: 2006/02/18 16:08
By: doomey
more fucking cap? bring it on, damn it! feel free to let the VC know that playing by the rules, however boring that may be, usually ups the chances of touching the monkey.

Date: 2006/02/20 15:53
By: tqr
It's on the cherrywood.

Date: 2006/02/21 12:32
By: doomey
okay that's it. i've cleared off the 'wood, started building hanuman's brothel in Lego on my desk, so no more cap this quarter, please. this will take some time, this building. i need quiet. and booze. JESUS!

Date: 2006/02/21 14:47
By: deplancher
Aw, you are an enigma, Monsieur Doomey. Didn't I overhear you telling the baker that you'd given up the ouzo, taken up water polo and sipping the green tea in late afternoon? Your steps are hard to follow but maybe it's best with Jesus and his friends lurking in the shadows as they do. And what's this about me sucking on my teeth? Those weren't mine in that cup a-soaking!! In fact, I don't know whose those were. I thought maybe you or Jesus or Theo had had a friend stay over...

Date: 2006/02/22 12:20
By: doomey
oh, hah. eh, the teeth sucking was a remark i should not have made, or rather a remark pointing out an event that i made up. sorry. my head, it flits sometimes. i think i am developing a head cold. or maybe a toe cold, not sure which.

Date: 2006/02/22 17:19
By: tqr
Have you ever seen a grown man naked?

Date: 2006/02/23 12:11
By: doomey
um?




It Ain't Right
Date: 2006/02/21 05:11
By: deplancher
Who can say, why is it so, or rather Tell me Why: does discourse about the les capitals slip away after not each and every one of the Terminali has spoken of it? The first discussion piece, Theo. Wherefore and why did it go? I thought all the discussions would stay for a time. Give the VCs and others a chance to read and consider and all that fair stuff. Am I staying too long in places that don't have electricity again perhaps? Is my amygdyla hanging loose? Is that even how you spell amygdyla?

Date: 2006/02/21 12:28
By: doomey
all posts must remain in the Terminal, at least those dealing with cap! they have to remain for the entire quarter, that is why we are here, to display the process, man. is someone deleting those posts? bad idea, ted. baaaaaad idea.

Date: 2006/02/21 12:28
By: doomey
every cap must have its own post, me thinks. this is a no brainer.

Date: 2006/02/21 14:36
By: deplancher
Ou est Mr. Enigma? Gone, though it had its own thread for a fragment, nay... a nanosecond, in time.

Date: 2006/02/22 12:16
By: doomey
hm, maybe ted's stepped out to walk his dog. i dunno, DeP, seems logical to me, though i do remember something about this last quarter. i think they did erase the posts once they felt they'd been talked through and decided on. i threw a fit back then, too. didn't do any good. we are mere Floorites, my dear.

Date: 2006/02/24 17:24
By: deplancher
Oh. For a blink, I thought to think we had opinion but alas you are right. We are small, albeit mighty Floorite minion.

Date: 2006/02/24 17:40
By: tqr
Nay, You are the lifeblood. Who cares if nobody besides that plying Dutchman wants to buy you a drink at ye olde Queen's Rump? As to the Terminal. We can't have all the discussions up the whole quarter. Makes the VCs nervous and confused. It's guerrilla war up there sister. Get in, get out and cycle in a few more willing victims. If'n you want a running tally, click on Archive on the bottom menu here and add them up. Mr Engima was given its due diligence while you were slipping in that ditch over there, dear Gabrielle.

Date: 2006/02/24 17:44
By: architext
There's no real harm in extending the number of items shown in the forum... Has any VC actually expressed confusion? In any case be sure never to actually *delete* the forum discussions if you can -- at least cut and paste them somewhere (why not create another forum zone called "expired discussions" and let the VCs find the things themselves?). Likewise you can archive the items from old capital gains instead of transferring them to the mysterious, unnecessary blog.

Date: 2006/02/24 18:13
By: tqr
Me like the Blog. It is a sign of the ever-expanding, inevitable TQR empire. Besides, this place has no stinking archive that I am aware of.

Date: 2006/02/24 18:53
By: architext
I am a business-monkey. I just created yer stinkin' archive. Actually, I was under the impression there was a way to create an archive link just like the other links, but there ain't. So I created a category and a menu link at the bottom for it. I think you should do it this way. Just transfer stories from their current place to "our back pages/moldy old fruit" (you can rename it) when the time for change comes. They'll all pile up in that zone (they're organized "most recent first" at present). But they will be there! Alternately you can create an "Archive" *section* and create a new category for each issue. That would probably be preferable as a matter of fact-- may not seem that way now, but in 5 years you'll curse the day you didn't do it this way. In any case, I think you should rename the Fruit button to "Archive" and rename the "Archive" button to blog. Just my twelve centavos.

Date: 2006/02/25 15:01
By: doomey
somebody buy that crazy god-like being a beer. poor ted scrambled around to archive all of last quarter, and he did a good job, kick ass job, but now here comes Archie to make things simple. hey, Archie, where were you last quarter? glad yer showin' up now.

Date: 2006/02/25 16:26
By: deplancher
I am going out to buy a case of those large magnesium-feldspar ionic enzyme strands with my tax return cheque so we have some on hand the next time Archi comes to town. I mean, to the Floor. For all his pomp, you have to admit his is a high wire skill and I suspect had he a pocket, in it would be the key to path of least resistance and hardship. Hail the Architext who has created the much needed Archive and instructions on how to put our history there. That's not to say we don't also hail Theo whose sweat and grit got everything hauled over last quarter. It just got easier with Archi's knowledge. I like 'our back pages/moldy old fruit' as well. Though it may appear to some interpretations that we have no respect or honour.

Date: 2006/02/26 19:26
By: architext
Looks like, for the moment, we have "Archive" and "Archives." This omniscient deity is not aware of the difference between the singular and plural in any meaningful sense. All hail Moldy Old Fruit! By the way, as a practical consideration, I think the M.O.F. should also be public (not login-only)-- that way it gets Googled and gets more exposure for our writers (including my human avatar, Mssr. Chadwick). Right now it seems to be limited to logged in users only. Arch I. Text, Inventor of the Scantron.

Date: 2006/02/27 15:54
By: tqr
I have taken all this in, and agree it would be nice to be Googled more. Who doesn't enjoy a good Google?

Date: 2006/02/27 17:16
By: architext
Shouldn't we also eliminate "Archive"?

Date: 2006/02/27 20:32
By: deplancher
Archive the Archive! If the desire is to keep the link to the blog alive, I agree that it must have a new blog-linker-like name as we be lookin' like dummies having both 'Archive' and, oh yes, 'Archiveszz' as menus currently available for possible perusal at TQR. And none of us wants anyone to get that kind of non-googlable impression. I am going to google a little right now.

Date: 2006/02/27 21:28
By: tqr
Done!

Date: 2006/02/28 05:50
By: architext
It's never enough, Teddy! Now the blog button takes you to a page which says "TQaRchive" ... heheheh ... which then takes you to blogsplot or whatever. You can actually create a menu item which goes to a static URL (thus saving the unnecessary and potentially user-confusing click). But I leave it to you to discover how! Up, up, and avast!

Date: 2006/02/28 05:53
By: tqr
Zounds! You're as fun as a barrel of monkeys.




just call me glitter-cheeks
Date: 2006/02/18 16:12
By: doomey
crap. they're talking about playing chess again. HEY, JESUS! QUIT MOVING THE MOTHERFUCKING LADDER, ASSHOLE! stuck up in the rafters again.

Date: 2006/02/20 12:18
By: doomey
i didn't know glitter could dig into your skin like wood splinters. odd. seems the Terminali are quite a bit more active this quarter than last. i am riveted to the dialogue concerning a certain cap i shoved up the pipe. it's the one the machine refuses to examine, and it would seem, by the machine's tone of type, that it rather upset hal's gears, slogged up hal's lube. i am surprised not one Terminali has questioned my sanity at sending this particular capital topside, but my reasons would tilt toward the way the brat feels about the piece. the ease and flow of the talent is what won me over. secondly, i dig art that involves sharp things and implies mucho violence.

Date: 2006/02/23 12:29
By: doomey
oh christ, i am excited. they're talking about one of the caps i stuffed up the tube. sounds like we have a winner, or at least the cap will be launched up to the next level, which is something. something indeed! this particular capital is the one made with mixed media, some light sunny materials, some dark. love this capital. love it! might be my fav this quarter. congrats to the VC, if he's listening, if he's aware. this is what i live for these days; the upward thrust of my capital! i've got to call my investors up, they'll be so happy.

Date: 2006/03/04 15:04
By: doomey
the vetting on the monkey capital upstairs is driving me mad. i could just hear theo reading an email he got from the VC (speak up, theo! if i press my cheek against the mirrorball any harder i will lacerate my-fucking-self, sister). the guy, pete haglesbreath or somesuch, is so obviously a fake! he is not who he says he is! might i say that we are in danger by simply swapping words with the guy? yes! he is counterfeit! i can't believe those Terminali are falling for this crap.

Date: 2006/03/04 18:11
By: tqr
But his venture sounds valid enough. That is all that should matter, no? He is a longshoreman from Vladivostock with a penchant for lemon drops and buggery, polly wolly doodle all de day.

Date: 2006/03/05 04:03
By: doomey
a longshoreman from vladivostock named hagelslag. ... fuck's sake! he's a fake!

2 Comments:

  • Ahhh, sirah,

    Future doctoral candidates shall lick your longdead boots for this magnanimous service. Meanwhile, I will gladly salve your bunghole, if you so desire't.

    By Blogger Theodore Q. Rorschalk, at 2:11 PM  

  • you stay away from me with your salve, sirah! i will not allow your goopy fingers near my chocolate starfish! do you hear me, ted! stay the fuck away, man!

    By Blogger boligard doomey, at 7:12 AM  

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