RW Dunn's LOS ANGELES, OR AMERICAN PHARAOHS has been terminaled

Dear RW Dunn,

Thank you for your...um, contribution...to the piles of caps that land here on The Floor of our illustrious e-zine, TQR.

You, sir or madam, are a spiller of the word ad infinitum. It's possible, je pense, that you and your protagonist are completely mad.

Let us share with the Terminali then, shall we? I'm sending you up, you on the broken wing of your black crow of a Los Angeles, or American Pharaohs...be prepared...to those meat eaters upstairs. Fare well, I hope.

All the best,

--
DeP
[Gabrielle DePlancher]
~ The Floor, TQR

Mike Phillips' BLOOD OF THE SACRIFICE: Terminaled

[doomey stands in front of his cherrywood, fist-knuckles on hips, chin raised and slightly tilted, and he's glaring at the ruined section of tube where rorschalk's mug had hung just prior]

deal with it, ted. jeez.

[he relaxes, turns, and he pulls from inside his suit coat the current cap. he focuses on the last few lines, and then he taps the cap straight and neat on his grotesque, fume-wafting, ear-bulbed desktop]

quick and cool, this be, like the sproutings of a soon-to-be blooming orchid, me thinks. mike phillips has crafted...

[he leans and cranes his neck and looks into the television camera that only he can see. he smiles]

...in my opinion...

[he stands up straight, arches his back in a stretch. and then he paces in front of his glowing, hillock-fungied desk]

...a nice little ditty here. the technique works, the crafting is tight, and there's a little snicker behind the narrative, or at least i heard a snicker. nothing wrong with this, and i like the characters. i do not have high hopes for the phillips cap, i am thinking the Terminali might dismiss it, might even snicker themselves, but i like it.

[doomey stalks over the blasted tube. no need to say the magic word. doomey simply lifts the cap up to the ragged hole bulleted into the upper-stretch of tube, and the pages are sucked from his grip and launched upward]

i hereby decree mike phillips' blood of the sacrifice Terminaled.

[doomey moves back toward his desk. his shoulders are slumped, his head hung low, his feet dragging. he's looking spent. he holds one hand against his stomach, and with the other hand he loosens his already loose tie]

christ jesus. something's wrong with me.

[one foot slides in the muck covering the glass tiles and the delicate balance he'd been maintaining slides with it, and the other foot slips the opposite direction and his hands fly up and he...tell the truth, i've had quite enough of this. let our hero roll around in his own vomit as long as he wants. i refuse to watch and report]

Acceptance of the Week: Aims and Objectives of the American Cribbage Congress by Chris Miller

Hello Chris,

Checked out the capital you sent. Dug it. Made me laugh. I don't get many laughs down on the Floor these days. Anywhat, just wanted to let you know that I have tossed (in a manner of speaking) your capital up to the Terminal. We'll see what they have to say about it in the coming weeks. I gotta go pull a cat out of a suck tube, otherwise I'd type more. Congrats on making it past the first hurtle. Good luck.

Keep it unreal,

Boligard Doomey
the Floor
www.tqrstories.com

Acceptance Letter of the Week: Boligard to Mr. Rusty Barnes

Dearest Rusty,

Looked over the chapters you sent. Too bad we don't publish novels, or else you'd be looking down the long barrel of the editing staff of TQR Publishing, who actually penalize each edit with a stab in the author's left buttock with a cattle prod. Not saying, of course, that there'd be many edits to make, but, well, just saying, a lot of folks end up walking with a limp after they publish a novel with us, so....Phew, eh?

Anywhat, you old coot, I'm going to push this on up to the Terminal. Lord knows what they'll do with it. Usually we deal with short stories, or Capital, as Rorschalk likes to call it. But he's bat-shit crazy, so... Three of a Kind is a different kind of animal, it's a good kind of different kind of animal, mister, one we don't normally like to gut and serve for dinner 'round these parts, but I like it so much I'm just going to pretend I didn't know it wasn't a short story.

Shhh, don't tell anyone.

BTW, they (the Terminali) hate what I send up, so don't think your submission is blessed or anything by passing through my shaking hands, no siree. And if you're wondering why this acceptance letter is so strange, it's because Theodore Rorschalk now makes me send him a copy of every email I send to submissionees, whether it be praise or lambast, and so, well, you know, you get what you get, eh?

I'll be tubing this up to the Terminal asafp. Watch to see what they have to say about it come Feb. 15th or so. No promises, big boy, and congrats on making it past the first hurtle. May your strides by long and your bowel movements regular.

Keep it unreal,

TQRstories anthology #2 murmurings

From: Boligard Doomey
To: Rorschalk


who's going to be in the damn book. i need to know because i need to read or reread all of the CGs and remark on them in the intro. now, you might say, "no need to do that, boli," and i say, "oh, sister, there's need." i will not type out a lame intro! i've intensions(sic) of typing a few lines about each VC, might even be a bit of a roast, me thinks. i've typed out a page so far, touched on what we do at tqr and mentioned something about %@!$ing peoples' mothers and lauded China Mieville and a few others and gave a nod to other great e-zines like unlikely 2.0 and 34th parellel. but i need more. can you send me a list of who's in? and, keep in mind, i am not promising a great intro. i don't know what i am doing, so it should be pretty cool. but not great.

thx bunches,

doomey

p.s. i posted in the rump. hah.


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From: Theodore Rorschalk
Date: Thu, May 12, 2011 at 2:34 PM
To: maggie murdoch , Gabrielle DePlancher , Lalo Fox


Boli's wanting a list of the picks for this summer's antho since he's going to write an intro for the thing. Can you let him know what your individual picks are? And then let me know? Swell. Below is his gmail to me, and why I'm putting the pressure on you (again).

--
TQR
founder and CEO of Total Quality Reading, LLC

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From: Theodore Rorschalk
Date: Thu, May 12, 2011 at 2:39 PM
To: Boligard Doomey


I have sent pleas out to Lalo, Maggie and Dep to send your their picks since I don't know them. LaFloor has already sent in his intro for Year of Our Lord's Favor (you want I should shoot you that, too?). Owens has sent me his intro of Callie. He didn't understand that I want him to intro the piece as Otto (silly bastard) instead of his real-time and real world self (silly bastard). So, you want that, too? Some picks that are locks are that damn Celibate Jayne the Hammerhand piece and I'll have to go look at the archives and get back to you soon enuf. I am stoked that you are taking this on. You have carte blanche. Just kill.

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From: Theodore Rorschalk
Date: Thu, May 12, 2011 at 2:43 PM
To: boligard doomey


Love the post in the Rump. It's about time to get that going again. I'll be in there later. Anyhow. Now I am reminded why it's take so long to do another antho ... slim pickens. I'm thinking Julian's Crunchy Apotheosis is a lock. I'd like to reach back in time and do Lou and Iggy Ate My Story by that Gemio kat. Same for that crazy Ice Box deal. And possible even that time travel western that is next to the last thing left in the archives. You got any other suggestions, lemme know.

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From: Theodore Rorschalk
Date: Thu, May 12, 2011 at 3:07 PM
To: boligard doomey


Also, I just remembered another lock A Crocodile Never Cries, I like a lot. Dead Man's Whistle is pretty damn good, too.

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From: boligard doomey
Date: Mon, May 16, 2011 at 2:53 PM
To: Theodore Rorschalk


sounds kind of iffy, my friend. has anyone offered up their picks and their intros? let me know as soon as you know the caps that will be in the book. ive looked the archives over, nothing jumps out at me. i do like Lou and Iggy. anywhat, let know whenever and i will start work again on the intro. till then i've typing to do. i have nine stories out right now. nine. wanna get a tenth out today.



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
From: Theodore Rorschalk
Date: Mon, May 16, 2011 at 6:33 PM
To: boligard doomey


You don't have to intro all of them you damn fool! ha. Don't take me too seriously. I love your book review up currently. Anything like that will be great. I've got intros from LaFloor and Owens. So we just need the two womyn and Fox. It's not iffy. It's going down this summer. So... good luck with those ventures. I hope at least half of them become capital gains.


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From: Gabrielle DePlancher
Date: Tue, May 17, 2011 at 11:18 AM
To: Theodore Rorschalk


Oh. Me, I am a lazy rat about this. Sorry, really. I can't remember the caps and have to find them again to review what my pick will be. There's no excuse, I know I know.

I will get on it because I don't want to be the last of the last and hold up Da-Doomey's work either.

Dead line absolute or head cut off? I am good with deadlines.

Thanks.

DeP[rocrastinr]
--
DeP
[Gabrielle DePlancher]
~ The Floor, TQR

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From: Theodore Rorschalk
Date: Tue, May 17, 2011 at 12:54 PM
To: Gabrielle DePlancher


Deadline: June 30th.

--
TQR
founder and CEO of Total Quality Reading, LLC

TERMINAL BACK CHANNEL: technical difficulties

Hey, gang...

Came home from work last night to a dead computer. Hooked up the antique Dell, and couldn't get a connection to my ISP, even after anhour's worth of great tech support by phone, trying everything either of us could think of. A service person from the ISP is scheduled to come to my apartment tomorrow evening with a replacement modem, and maybe that will do the trick.

For now, I can get to my gmail at lunchtime at work - which is, of course, how I'm sending this. Once I can connect from home, I can get back to reading and reviewing cap.

I'll keep you posted.

LALO TELLING

INVESTOR BACK CHANNEL: Who's covering me in the Terminal?

From: Gabrielle DePlancher
Date: Sun, Jan 23, 2011 at 4:06 PM
To: "Theodore Q. Rorschalk", Boligard Doomey

Just checking...lalo and otto remain our contacts in The Terminal?

I hope to forward the caps earlier this quarter and want to make certain of the current status of things. Thanks.

DeP
[Gabrielle DePlancher]
~ The Floor, TQR


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From: Theodore Rorschalk
Date: Tue, Jan 25, 2011 at 5:08 AM
To: Gabrielle DePlancher

Thanks for checking in early. I will get with them and see how it's shaking down. And get back to you shortly with the down low.

TQR
founder and CEO of Total Quality Reading, LLC

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From: Gabrielle DePlancher
Date: Tue, Jan 25, 2011 at 12:31 PM
To: Theodore Rorschalk

Thanks. I will hang here, in the balance, cap in hand. Until I know what you know.

DeP
[Gabrielle DePlancher]
~ The Floor, TQR

Total Quality Reading attracts total quality VC ... but will he become a bonafide CG'd VC? We shall see... (PSssst, a sense of humor never hurts)

Subject: Submission: "The Haunting Of Beethoven's Fifth", Mark Rigney, 9,325
------------------------

From: Mark Rigney
Date: Thu, Jan 6, 2011 at 12:52 PM
To: tqrstories

Dear Mr. Rorschalk,

Attached you will find "The Haunting Of Beethoven's Fifth," which isn't quite long enough to deserve your instant rejection form, yet not quite short enough to vanish entirely. I hope it might find a home on your pages.

And no, it is not a simultaneous submission! Hooray!

Recent credits include The Best Of the Bellevue Literary Review, Lady Churchill's Rosebud Wristlet, and Talebones. Upcoming stories will appear in Realms Of Fantasy, Black Gate, and Sleet. My stage plays have been seen in sixteen states plus Canada, with more in the offing––wherever that may be.

I wish you all the best in your life and work, and look forward to your response.

Sincerely,

Mark Rigney



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From: Theodore Q. Rorschalk
Date: Thu, Jan 6, 2011 at 1:50 PM
To: Mark Rigney


Dear Mr. Rigney,

Thank you for the submission. Your track record is most impressive. I will send this to the Floor for its initial examination. I wish you the best of luck.


--
Theodore Q. Rorschalk
founder and CEO of Total Quality Reading, LLC


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From: Mark Rigney
Date: Thu, Jan 6, 2011 at 9:22 PM
To: "Theodore Q. Rorschalk"

Well, a pedigree will get me a cup of hot water when I turn on the tap, and no donut.

So thank you, I'll take the luck!

Cheers,

Mark
***

THoBF = 1st Terminaled cap ... Scroll down to read the fateful post

Robert Dunbar wrassles with his new venture: UNINVITED BOOKS

From: Robert Dunbar
Date: Wed, Jan 5, 2011 at 9:05 AM
To: Theodore Rorschalk


Re: Submission process
We don't have one yet. If I can keep my own (and the company's) head above water for another few months, my goal is to bring on an associate editor and start looking at submissions. Fingers crossed please!


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From: Theodore Rorschalk
Date: Wed, Jan 5, 2011 at 9:17 AM
To: Robert Dunbar


Starting your own wood pulp and binding publishing venture is indeed a perilous and seat of your pants affair. We at TQR wish you best of luck and will do our best to give you all the publicity that our humble e-zine can muster. Thanks for the opportunity to review GARDENS OF NIGHT.


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From: Robert Dunbar
Date: Wed, Jan 5, 2011 at 10:32 AM
To: Theodore Rorschalk


Thanks. Ebooks will be coming down the ramp in a few months. Also looking into audio-books. Hell, I'm checking out a system where the author comes to your house and tells you the story ...

(So far not much interest in that last one. Must consider better looking authors.)

Boligard Returns ... fresh off Dostoyevski, he accepts review for GARDENS OF NIGHT

From: Theodore Rorschalk
Date: Thu, Dec 30, 2010 at 7:21 PM
To: Boligard Doomey

You still reside here. I've got a new release from Uninvited Books (the outfit I told you to send your stuff to) that I want you to review. You up to it? I hope your Christmas was bright and you survive the New Year's party. Take care yosef.
--
TQR
founder and CEO of Total Quality Reading, LLC

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From: Boligard Doomey
Date: Tue, Jan 4, 2011 at 10:55 AM
To: Theodore Rorschalk

Yep. Better be a good book. I am reading A killer bio about Dostoyevsky. Very inspiring. Maybe my block will evaporate. Hope your holidays were killer. When's TQR start up again? I've been a bad boy not tossing in some banter here and there. Bad me. Send the book. The Magicians by Lev somebody sucks! I hate writers. Hah.

Sent from my iPhone