TQR Confidential

Friday, April 28, 2006

Theodore's unintentional One-man Show!

Friday 21, April, 7pm MDT. I walked into the conference room [now the CHESSDOJO] expecting to be met by a few investors and, possibly, some VC, but found an empty room instead. I was somewhat miffed (as the first line of the 'transcript' clearly shows) because I wanted to thank them all for making possible our fine new spring issue. But the evening wasn't lost. I filibustered for 20 minutes and made some cogent points that still may be of interest to investors and VC alike. So I've posted it here as a transcript. The proceedings went as follows.

[20:56 tqr] Are you shitting me?

[20:56 tqr] come on!

[20:57 tqr] Oh well.

[20:57 tqr] What are the 5 stages of dying?

[20:57 tqr] I think that 'Are you shitting me' counts as 'denial'.

[20:58 tqr] Then the 'come on!' equals 'anger'. And I skipped 'bargaining' and whatever the hell else there is and went straight to acceptance with that 'Oh well.'

[20:58 tqr] So... I guess there are still 2 minutes til midnight... eh?

[20:59 tqr] On the bright side, this here Conf Rm is working smooooth.

[20:59 tqr] Hardly any lag at all.

[20:59 tqr] Right-o, old Conf Rm. Old bean! Pip pip! And it's a long way to Tipperary, and all that sort of thing.

[21:00 tqr] It is 7 pm MDT and I am in here speechifying to myself. You investors and VC know that I am missing WWE Smackdown for this?!

[21:01 tqr] It's "The King of the Ring" tourney, for God's sake!

[21:01 tqr] Booker T!

[21:01 tqr] "Can you dig it ... SUCHAHHHHHH!?"

[21:02 tqr] I mean "...SUCKAH!"

[21:02 tqr] Nodody knows the trouble I've seen.

[21:02 tqr] Well, let's wrap this up...

[21:03 tqr] Thank you all for coming. I can't say but that I am somewhat nervous, public speaking being one of my biggest fears.

[21:03 tqr] I've always been told the key is working in some comic relief.

[21:03 tqr] Did you hear about the dyslexic who sold his soul to Santa?

[21:04 tqr] ba dump bump!

[21:04 tqr] Thank you! Did you try the veal?

[21:04 tqr] It's excellent ... I'll be here all weekend...

[21:05 tqr] TQRstories, or as we monosyllabic liking more folks prefer to call it just a plain old TQR, want you to have more than just the samo samo e-zine experience.

[21:05 tqr] Dig?

[21:06 tqr] That is why... we bring to you th exciting machinations behind the scenes of the electronic impulses and algorithms whose job it is to vet the cap.

[21:07 tqr] You've read the Investor Guide, I'm sure. But to refresh...

[21:07 tqr] there are other reasons for this transparency...

[21:08 tqr] The one that stands out for me is how it scares away the drive-by submitters who, as I put it in the IG, pump their capital upon the Web from the muzzle of a shotgun.

[21:08 tqr] We just don't need that 'type' mucking up the process. Their capital usually suffers from penis envy, anyhow.

[21:09 tqr] No confidence in themselves equals unconfident prose, so who needs it?

[21:09 tqr] Capische?

[21:09 tqr] So.... that's my thing. CAN YOU DIG IT ......... SUCKAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!?

[21:10 tqr] So, that's all I have to say about that. I'd take any questions now if THERE WAS ANY-FUCKING-BODY PRESENT FOR ME TO TAKE A GODDAMN QUESTION FROM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1111

[21:11 tqr] But I digress... read the Investor Guide. It's a good read, and it kinda sorta give you an idea how to use this site to it maximum overdrive.

[21:11 tqr] Who made who? Who made you? Who made who? Please somebody tell me...

[21:12 tqr] AC/DC ... rock on, bitch!

[21:12 tqr] I am please as punch about the Spring Issue, and I hope you are too.

[21:13 tqr] Funny how they (the CGs) all are so different yet have some striking similarities and dichotomies. Anyhow. I'm not going to go into it because I already have in 'From the Chair'. So, read it you nonexistent numbskulls!

[21:15 tqr] But you know, I can take comfort in the fact that I know this here zine is being noticed. It is April 21, yes? I reset the hit counter of the Lobby on April 3rd cuz I forgot to do it on the 1st. And, guess freaking what! We are already on 2800 hits! Granted, about 300 of those are mine, but I am excited and bemused by this number because it is the best number to date and the sky's the limit, as they say.

[21:17 tqr] Let the record show that I, TQR, was here 5 minutes before 7pm MDT, and stayed and made speeches to an empty room until 7:16pm MDT, or 1916 MDT if you prefere military time. I do so love a good strapping young military type. I used to be one myself. Still keep myself in tip top condition. Why just today I was walloping the heavy bag with such ferocity that it almost broke from its housing.

[21:18 tqr] And now I must bid you adieu, sweet prince and princesses. Keep your noses clean and continue to invest in TQR. Or the Boogieman will eat worms and come and get you.

[21:18 tqr] CAN YOU DIG IT .... SUCKAAAAAAHHHHHHS!!!!!!!!!??????????

[21:19 tqr] This is Theodore Q Rorschalk, signing out at what now is 1919 MDT, cap'n.

[21:19 tqr] "Good night ... and good luck!"


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