TQR Confidential

Thursday, June 26, 2008

Fish Wrap Rap

And so, the gatekeepers at the country’s alloted media outlets have a moratorium upon the unwashed Print-On-Demand, and will never deign to review such a lowly form.

Vanity! Sayeth the hacks who run their editorial rooms like lords controlling their own pathetic little fiefdoms. But just like the town cryer before them, these monoliths of news dissemination are quickly becoming obsolete, their hubris being the last vestige of their collective psyches’ understanding that any power they hold is consequential as the ingrown toenail on stinky feet. Are they not then the vain elite?

As my friend Jesus once fondly said, “Let the dead bury the dead, and follow me!”

And as God is my witness, amen and hallelujah! I will lead you to the promised land of total quality reading, where platinum themes run into exotic settings like the shining romanticized countries of our youth. Where fiction tells the audacious lie that shows a fuller exposition of the truth. Where polar opposites find mysterious middle ground, and the sliding scales of the wages of sin are found.

Oh but that I laugh at you all, you petty czars of cultural propriety and cutting edge. You wouldn’t recognize gold if it fell one hundred stories and hit you in the head. Saddled with a self-imposed rigidity that allows you to ape the words “to think outside the box,” your foolish consistency this dictum mocks. So say goodnight and good day to your ivory towers’ impregnability. A house of cards has less fragility. You’ll be as extinct as the diplodocus because you’ve lost all sense of pioneering focus. Turn up your noses and sip your tea, don’t ever acknowledge the likes of me. And in the end when you’re in the gutter, I’d just as soon kick you in the fat fucking face!


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