TQR Confidential

Monday, February 24, 2014

Dep's point is well taken by Brasater's POINTILLISM, REDUX

Bonjour, Monsieur Brasater:

Thank you for your recent submission, Pointillism, Redux, for our consideration here in the mysterious halls of the almost public, TQR.

I see possibility here, dear VC, but I will admit that the utterly ruthless Great Monkey who rules this place inside and out is slightly shaken by a few features that present in your precious Pointillism, Redux. Unfortunately, these contribute to the reasons why I cannot recommend it for further review by our stalwart editorial staff in the meat locker upstairs (otherwise referred to as The Terminal). Trust me, it is better for you this way.

A couple of things that stiffened the Monkey's sensitive tail:

1. the form used to convey Cohan's unique dialect - distracting;

2. improper use of the semi-colon

3. several typos

4. long passages in text that just seem too long to contribute meaningfully to plot

5. is the first section where the concoction is...erm, concocted...critical to a reader's understanding of what happened in this mystery? Only you can answer of course, but keep in mind that while some backstory aspects such as this may work well in film, they may not contribute so much textually. The poison is quite well explained in the last third of the cap.

Pointillism, Redux has plenty of potential. I hope you work it and tighten it up so that next time you submit, it zings like a taut rubber band shot across the room.

The Monkey and I concur that it's not quite ready to face the chamber upstairs in its current form. Work it. Read it aloud while pacing barefoot on a cold floor. You will find what it is that halts the rhythm of your step, check it and let that stuff fall away. What will remain will shine like the sleuthful pience you seem to be after.

We appreciate your interest in TQR and hope to hear from you again.

Best to keep writing,

G. DePlancher

The Floor, TQR


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