TQR Confidential

Friday, September 22, 2006

Guidelines'--re: Cajones ... corrected by Investor!

Dear TQR,

Much as I enjoyed reading your website I feel I should point out that in the phrase [found in the Guidelines menu item] "TQR begs the question, "Do you have the hutzpah, the cajones, the intestinal fortitude?", 'cajones' should read 'cojones', unless you're really interested in writers with 'draws' (the kind you'd find in a chest). Which brings me to my other point: I have a short-short story about a man who impersonates furniture for a living. Would you be interested in looking at it? It was published four years ago in a local newspaper, winning a Profile Books prize (a free Profile Book) and has languished in my cajones ever since. Yours faithfully,

Waldo Gemio

Whoops. Thank you for that correction. And as much as I'd like to oblige your short-short, I am going to have to decline that offer because we don't publish anything under 4,000 words. Sorry about that, sir. And, again, I thank you for the correction. I shall correct that erroneous line forthwith.

Cheers, TQR

Monday, September 18, 2006

Yet another (unsolicited) Testimonial!

I swear on my mother's old cat's grave that this was unsolicited! It warmed my cockles, too, seeing as how lately I've been wondering if anybody is reading our stupid 'zine. Yes indeed, it gave me strength to carry on. Perhaps, in face, we will survive!

Date: 2006/09/18 20:07 By: Chris Status: Visitor

It took me a while to realise it - I'm generally a slow kinda guy - but having submitted work to TQR, I am, by definition, a VC. Now that I have exited the elevated end of that little epiphanic episode, I would like to make a comment about the editorial process, as it exists at TQR.

I should say at this point that my story was rejected. But therein lies the lie! I don't feel as though it was rejected. I was given so much information as to why it didn't make the grade, that I experienced a kind of respect emanating from my PC screen. Not just respect, dare I say it, for some aspect or part of my work. But also respect for having submitted to such a public arena in the first place.

To be honest, it also took me a while to get into the groove with you guys. I just plain couldn't make any sense out of your language. But when I applied a filter of sorts - ie. assumed that you're all a bit mad - then your communication became as clear as day (I know! Cliche!). So, while I found myself wading through a lot of stuff I barely understood, partly due to the dynamics between you lot, when it came to adjudging fiction, it became obvious to me that you all know your stuff.

So, to summarise:
1) Didn't mean to be a quiet VC - just didn't realise I was a VC.
2) very impressed with such professional handling of my story, and
3) Thank you all for the advice.

I might just pester you with more of my fictitious efforts in the future (I know! Redundant!)

So, in this spirit, it was an honour to be rejected by you.


Cap falls through the cracks! **it happens...

...to the best of us. Namely ... I, Theodore Quintella Rorschalk. Luckily for me, though, the VC often are very forgiving and of good humor about such snafus. The following being a case in point.

Pre Scriptum: I gmailed the doomster about this and he said nothing with my
name on it came his way. Should I re-submit or is it too late?


I submitted a story very early in the quarter - The new man. That was on
30th June. I've had no rejection or anything else. Do you think it got lost?


Dear Mr. Lacey,

I researched it and it appears that I never got around to sending it to the Floor. My only excuse for this oversight is that the piece was submitted on June 30th for the quarter commencing July 15th. I believe I sent you a receipt gmail, giving you a false sense of security, and then forgot about the submission over the next 15 days (15 days until the quarter started). I take full responsibility for this snafu. Please forgive me. And, if you would, please re-submit 'The New Man' on October 15th when we begin taking subs for the Winter Issue. At least this way I know I won't drop the ball like I did this last time, and am guaranteed a quality submission that will likely contend for publication.

Sincerely, TQR

Dear Mr. TQR(rrrrrrrr),

There has been a rending of cheesecloth and a gnashing of buttocks but I'm over it now.

Had you been a resident of Deare Olde Englande I might have been forced to throw down the latex glove and challenge you to Parsnips at Dawn. It would have been a legendary duel, I'm certain. Now, alas, my children and their children and their children's children will never hear of our frosty deeds and molten mettle. Instead they'll probably die in the inevitable nuclear conflict between the world's religions or starve because they're ignorant and poor.


Meanwhile, I will endeavour to re-sub come the 15th Oct!

A the b,

Sir Gonahad Lacey

Dear Mr. Lacey,

Your forbearance is admirable. With your permission, I'd like to blogge this exchange, under the heading of 'It Happens.' Or something like that. If you have an idea for a headline, please gmail it on over.

[Dear TQR]
How about 'Old submissions never die, they just get overlooked, forgotten, ignored, dismissed and shat upon by those who should have loved them.'?

Yah, maybe not.

Hey, I'm over it now.


[two days later Mr. Lacey gmailed and said thusly:]
Maybe that came over a little strong but I was smiling when I wrote it. Blogge away, sir.

I gmailed him back assuring him I had taken his badinage in good stride and reiterated my apologies for mishandling his cap. The moral of this story could be a cautionary one for the VC, which is: DO NOT SUBMIT YOUR CAP BEFORE THE FLOOR COMMENCES OPERATION BECAUSE THE OLD GAY GAFFER IS NOT WHAT HE USED TO BE. IF YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYIN'.